"But one thing I'm missing is in your eyes." - Eyes by Rogue Wave

There are so many people that once meant something in my life but then something happened-- someone gets mad, someone gets jealous, fights, disagreements, arguments, typical dumb situations that could of been avoided. I like to believe that everything happens for a reason, but I don't think that losing a friendship over these dumb things is what life is all about. A few months ago I tried to patch up old relationships that went wrong and shortly after that those same dumb situations happened again-- the same people decided to get mad or jealous about the past for a second time... so I decided to give up. Not sure it was the best solution to the problem but I just saw myself failing again and again. I hate living in a small town and having to avoid people that I don't see eye to eye with. There's a lot of people that I just miss...I'm not sure why after all the horrible things that happened but for some reason I want a second chance. There is one person recently that I had a falling out with lately that we actually worked things out-- maybe because we were both actually trying. It's like the whole fight never even happened and it's so nice that it was just totally dropped and both were able to see eye to eye. Why I can't do that with everyone else..I guess God only knows. Which comes to my next goal trying to figure out if "difficult" people are worth trying to deal with for a second chance. Sometimes I wonder if I rather just avoid people and forget it or actually try since that is being the bigger person... Another person recently I haven't talked to in years randomly decided to act like I exist again, which later I come to find out all the person wanted just a "good time" and totally dropped all conversion with him. Which I think in that case was the right thing to do, no sense in talking to someone who just wants you one night and then drop you again like a bad habit...again!
It seems to me that the people you see that you turn your head to so you don't make eye contact is just bad news... Your not going to get anywhere if you don't look at someone-- but maybe that's the point. It just seems crazy when someone can't even look at you! I remember back to this fall... at a gas station a person that a had an ugly, ugly break-up was there. Our eyes met for only seconds, and then the classic look away fast happened of course. It's just situations like that, that I'd really like to beat myself up for but we all do it and it's not like I was going to crack the prick a smile.. but I guess if it happens again I'm going to try that and see what happens. Maybe a smile would do some good for once.
A lot of truth in saying the one thing I miss is in your eyes, because I can't even look in your eyes. The one thing I guess we should never give up on is making this a happier place. Making peace with everyone and the world, and next time you see me-- I certainly will have the biggest smile on my face, maybe not for you but for me.
A friend of mine once told me that when you look directly into someone's eyes you are giving a part of yourself up. And that part of you that you are releasing you are 'giving' to the other person through eye contact. So, when someone doesn't look directly in your eyes is it because they don't want to share who they are or because they don't respect the other person enough to 'take care' of the part of themselves they are giving up? Hmmmm
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